I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
