I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
