omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
