I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
