OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
