Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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