90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
