Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
