I puked a lego.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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