My hand turned me down
operation have a gay friend backfired
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
