I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
