i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
