I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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