I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
