idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
