Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
