The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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