yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
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