Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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