Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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