the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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