If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
