I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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