Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
