i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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