Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
