Walk of Shame. In a state park.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
