I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
