she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
