Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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