glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
