I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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