i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
