By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
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You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
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Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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