god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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