OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
