Will you blow on my dice?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So squirting runs in the family.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Bring me that man meat
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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