I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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