actually, I'm a sock model
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
