You don't have asthma, your pregnant
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
