I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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