tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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