I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How external is "for external use only"?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
