While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
