My first STD was from a foam party
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
