Pappa wants mamma naked
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize