What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
