I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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