i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize