watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
