You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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