What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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