is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
