my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
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i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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