Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
