Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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