Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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