we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
