I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
