We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
