if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
