grandma shit on top of the toilet
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
