hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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