I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Life is so much better after having sex.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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