Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
