dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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