While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
