break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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