I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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