How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
