You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
