I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
