I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i came on her dog
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
